Dumpster Diving
by CorinneLeorrah
Summary: Almost all of New Directions gets stuck in a dumpster, will they ever escape? Or will they kill each other first? Oneshot. A tad bit angsty.


A/N: Ignore the unreality of this evil demon dumpster that had it out for the Glee club!

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee but I DO own the evil dumpster that eats the whole cast!

xXx

The day started out normal for Kurt Hummel. He got to school, waved at the nice old lady from across the street, and got thrown into the dumpster. Of course, the jocks were feeling especially cruel and shut the lid of the dumpster. Even worse news, Kurt's ankle hurt and he couldn't stand. He cursed loudly and heard the jocks' heavy footsteps as they left. The dumpster lid opened a few seconds later and Brittany, Santanna, and Quinn were looking down at him.

"Dolphin!" Brittany gasped, "Found you! Now I'm gonna hide!" She turned to run away and hide but Santanna grabbed the back of her shirt and dragged her back.

"You gonna get out lady face?" Santanna crossed her arms.

Kurt tried not to get too angry about the nickname, "I can't." He said, pulling his right ankle to him to examine him.

"Why not?" Quinn started to look concerned, "Are you okay?"

"Forget it Hummel," Santanna rolled her eyes, "if you like the dumpster we'll just leave you here, I mean it's practically your home, right?"

"Shut it Lopez," Kurt glared, "I think I sprained my ankle."

Santanna sighed loudly, "Fine, we'll help you out, but I get that shirt."

"Do you know how much this shirt costs?" Kurt gasped.

"Enough to pay the medical bills when you're diagnosed with hypothermia from sitting in an empty dumpster all night?" Santanna smirked.

"Uhg," Kurt leaned his head back against the side of the dumpster, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his ankle, "Fine, it's a girl's shirt anyways."

The three girls climbed into the dumpster and knelt down to pick Kurt up. The girls screamed as the lid slammed shut again.

"Okay," Santanna growled, "Don't pretend that you didn't scream right there too Hummel."

Kurt blushed, "I'm too manly for that."

Quinn stood up and pushed on the lid, "Uh, guys, it's stuck!" She pounded on it and tried to scream for help.

"It's no use now," Santanna sat down across from Kurt, "school started already, there's no one out here except that creepy old lady from across the street who bakes disgusting brownies and threatens to stab you if you don't eat them."

"Mrs. Hayes?" Kurt gasped.

"Yup." Santanna nodded even though he couldn't see her.

They spent the next ten minutes with Quinn and Santanna half heartedly pounding on the side of the dumpster.

"Brittany," Kurt said, "Why are you on my lap?"

"Because you're warm." She smiled vacantly.

"I'm warm too Brit." Santanna said flirtaciously.

"Feel the lesbian love." Kurt pushed Brittany off him.

"You know Kurt," Santanna began, "if we're stuck in here forever, we'll have to reproduce and you're the only guy here so-"

"EW!" Kurt squeaked, "EW, EW, EW!"

"Wow you are gay." Santanna sat back and wrapped an arm around Quinn who she though was Brittany.

"Get your hand off me San," Santanna pulled her hand back quickly.

"Why would we even have to reproduce?" Kurt wondered.

"So we'll have food." Brittany said as if it was the obvious answer.

"Because it's the circle of life." Santanna shrugged, "Plus with hormones and all neither of us will be able to resist each other."

"Oh I think I'll manage." Kurt insisted, "Besides, I'm saving myself for Blaine."

"Ooh, that guy is sexy." Quinn giggled, "Why does he have to be gay?"

"Woah back off my man Fabray!" Kurt joked, "I can totally take you down."

"Someone's a little possesive." Quinn muttered.

Suddenly the dumpster was flooded with light and Finn fell on top of Kurt, followed by Puck and then the lid closed again.

"What the heck?" Santanna gasped.

"Woah what are you girls doing in here?" Finn asked as Puck got off him and sat by Quinn.

"Ohmygod!" Kurt gasped, "I think you broke my ribs."

"Oh!" Finn scrambled off of Kurt, "Sorry man, are you okay?"

"Mmmhmm." Was all Kurt managed to say.

"Oh yay," Brittany clapped, "Now we have Finn and Puck to reproduce for us! Don't worry Kurty, you can just reproduce for Blaine now!"

Kurt gave Brittany a horrified look and Finn and Puck were very confused while Santanna and Quinn were cracking up.

"Dude, I didn't know we'd need to bring food!" Finn panicked, "How do we reproduce in here?"

Santanna and Quinn were having a giggle fest as Kurt asked, "Finn, do you know what reproducing is?"

"When... you make food, right?" Finn said innocently.

"N-" Kurt began then stopped himself, "Uh, yeah, it's like photosynthesis."

"What does this have to do with taking pictures?" Finn wondered.

Kurt just sighed and buried his face in his hands while Quinn and Santanna just laughed.

"What happened to you guys anyway?" Quinn managed to say as she calmed down.

"Some punks threw us in here because we were talking about what to sing for our glee assignments." Puck said dangerously.

"Meanies!" Brittany jumped across Finn to hug Puck and accidently kicked Kurt in the process.

"OOW!" Kurt pushed her foot away, "Why do people keep injuring me today?"

"Poor Kurt!" Santanna said sarcastically and jumped over to his side of the dumpster to give him a painful hug, ignoring his protests and yells.

"You did that on purpose!" Kurt glared as she pulled away, "I really think my ribs are broken now."

The dumpster was lit up once more and Finn began to stand up to catch the lid but Tina and Mike fell on top of him.

"HA!" Kurt shouted, "Karma!"

Tina gasped and jumped away from Mike as the dumpster went dark again, "What are you doing in here Kurt?" Tina asked shakily, "And who did we fall on?"

"I got thrown in here this morning and you fell on Finn." Kurt beamed.

"Oh," Mike said, trying to stay off of people's laps as he shifted around in the crowded dumpster, "Sorry man."

"Wait," Tina accidently sat on Brittany, "Who all is in here?"

"Santanna, Quinn, Kurt, Brit, Finn, and me." Puck informed her.

"The lid won't open and we were trying to help Kurt." Brittany explained.

"Were you guys just making out?" Santanna stared into the darkness where she thought Tina and Mike were.

"Uh... Kinda." Mike admitted. Tina hit him on the shoulder and he gave her an innocent look that she couldn't see.

"This is like a party." Brittany gasped, "Finn let's reproduce up some food for the party!"

"How?" Finn asked.

"Ohmygod! No more reproduction talk!" Kurt said exasperatedly.

"I think it's hot." Puck joked.

"We've gotta get out of here." Tina moaned.

Brittany ended up on Santanna'a lap and Quinn sat on Finn's lap as Tina sat on Mikes lap to save room in the crowded dumpster. Kurt refused to sit on Puck's lap using his multiple injuries as an excuse not to move.

They started talking about random things but all fell silent as they heard, "So it's official?" Kurt recognized Mercedes' voice.

"I'm telling everyone today in glee." It was Sam.

"HELP!" Tina screamed.

"What the-" The lid opened once again and Tina jumped up to her feet only to be knocked down again as someone pushed Mercedes and Sam into the dumpster.

"I think you just broke my leg!" Kurt yelled as the lid closed once again.

"Okay," Sam said angrily, "Did you guys decide to have glee club in the dumpster again without telling me?"

"Oh my god," Kurt pushed Mercedes' foot away from his sore ankle, "I'm getting claustrophobic and I'm probably going to get an infection or something if I don't get medical help soon."

"Aw," Mercedes cooed, "Poor boo, do you want a hug?"

"NO!"

The next time the dumpster opened again, someone jumped in and landed on Kurt, Tina, and Mike. The lid fell again before they could see who it was.

"Uh," Finn spoke up, "Who was that?"

"Holy crap Hudson what are you doing here?"

"Oh no," Kurt said, "It's bad enough to be stuck in a compact space with those guys, I am not going to be in here with you!"

"Um... Kurt?" Karofsky said slowly, "Why are you guys even in here? Who's in here anyways?"

"Finn, Santanna, Quinn, Brittany, Tina, Mike, Kurt, Finn, and me... Puck." Puck listed.

"What are you doing here?" Finn questioned.

"That creepy lady from across the street is freaking stalking me so I took cover in here." Karofsky cursed the creepy lady from across the street.

"And now you're stuck to you idiot."

"Oh joy," Karofsky said sarcastically, "It's Santanna, my girlfriend."

"Whatever," Kurt tried to push Karofsky away from him, "Sit on that side of the dumster. Oh, and my ribs are definitely broken now and I'm suing you all!"

They tried to have a decent conversation but it usually ended up with Finn screaming at Karofsky.

"Britt," Kurt sighed, "I told to stop doing that."

"I'm way over here Kurt." Brittany blinked.

"Then who-" Kurt stopped and his eyes widened as he yelled, "OH DEAR LORD! OTHER SIDE OF THE DUMPSTER KAROFSKY!"

"What was he doing?" Finn asked protectively, "I'll kill him!"

"I wasn't doing anything!" Karofky argued.

"Kurt what was he-" Then all hell broke loose, right there in the McKinley High School dumpster.

"Tina don't kick me!" Santanna screamed.

"I didn't!" Tina defended.

"I'm gonna freaking kill you!" Finn jumped at Karofsky and they started to punch at each other.

"Finn you hit me!" Quinn cried out.

"Sam and I are dating!" Mercedes screamed randomly, "Just thought I'd get that out there."

"Uh guys-" Kurt tried to get their attention but burst into a coughing fit as someone hit him in the stomach.

"Okay Cohen-Chang," Santanna growled, "Do you wanna go?"

"What?" Tina gasped.

"I told you to stop hitting me!" Santanna screetched as she leapt across Finn and Karofsky to land on Tina and Mike.

Puck and Sam were trying to pull Finn and Karofsky apart and Kurt was still coughing.

Mercedes was trying to open the lid and when it finally did open, another person was dropped in, "RACHEL!" Kurt yelled as she toppled on top of him, "Please, PLEASE, get off of me!"

"What's happening?" Rachel gasped as she heard the boys fighting.

"There's about ten people in here and we can't get out 'cuz the lid is stuck." Puck explained, "Finn got mad at Karofsky for pissing Kurt off and then Santanna began trying to kill Tina, and Kurt probably has like fifteen broken bones."

"We should stop and talk this over like civilized people!" Rachel yelled.

Kurt went into another coughing fit and Mike was trying to push Santanna off of Tina and Brittany was talking to herself, "Yeah and he needs the doctor and we might have to reproduce! I call Kurt, he has soft baby hands but he want's to reproduce with Blaine."

"Oh my goodness Brittany that's so gross!" Mercedes gasped, "And I call Kurt, he's my white boy."

"Guys-" Kurt gasped as he came out of his coughing fit.

"What is your freaking problem Karofsky?" Finn was yelling, "Why can't you just leave him alone?"

"Finn I-" Kurt tried again.

"What's your problem Hudson? I didn't even do anything!" Karofsky argued, "He over reacted."

"Rachel-" Kurt tried to get someone with a loud voice to help get their attention but she didn't have time.

"Please stop fighting!" Was Rachel... crying?

Quinn was busy pounding on the side of the dumpster trying to get help.

"You said you were going to kill him, I think that gives him the right to over react!" Finn was really mad.

"I didn't mean it," Karofsky faught back, "I wouldn't kill him!"

"Please-" Kurt put out a hand, trying to get someone's attention.

"Santanna," Tina was screaming, "You're hurting me!"

"That's the point!"

"So you're coming?" Brittany was saying hopefully, still talking to herself.

"I'll kill you if you ever try to-" Finn was yelling when Kurt finally got their attention.

"OKAY I SWEAR TO GOD THAT IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND LISTEN RIGHT NOW THEN I WILL SNEAK INTO YOUR ROOM TONIGHT AND-"

"Okay man," Puck said, "We get it, what do you want?"

"I think I just coughed out a pint of blood and it's all over my shirt, do you still want it Santanna?" Everyone fell silent except Brittany.

"Yeah," She was saying, "He's really angry because he caughed blood on his girl shirt."

"Are you okay dude?" Finn asked, "We have to get you to an ambulence or whatever."

"I'm fine," Kurt glared, "I was terrified but I got over it so go back to your pointless fighting."

Kurt could have sworn that they would have if the dumpster lid hadn't opened again and they looked up to see their hero.

"Mr. Schue!" A couple of them yelled at the same time. Tina, Mike, Santanna, Quinn, Puck, Sam, Mercedes, Rachel, Brittany, and Finn all climbed out as fast as they could and went to talk to Artie and Lauren who looked confused and had just followed Mr. Schue. Karofsky just stared awkwardly at Kurt who had blood in his hands, running down his chin, and all over his shirt.

"Are you okay Kurt?" Mr. Schuester climbed into the dumpster and with the help of Karofsky, they lifted him out and handed him to Finn. Mr. Schue called for an ambulance, ignoring Kurt's assurances that he was just fine.

"This is your guys' fault." Kurt accused as he lay in Finn's arms, "You just had to fall on me!"

"Uh," Karofsky still looked a little awkward, "Sorry."

"Just go away before I beat the crap outta you Karofsky!" Finn growled.

Karofsky gave him a parting glare as he left to go inside the school.

"Thanks for calling Britt." Mr. Schue smiled at the blond cheerio as she petted Artie's hair.

So she wasn't talking to herself.

"Oh yeah," Mr. Schue's smile widened, "I found another Journey song we havn't done!"

xXx

Prologue: The demon dumpster strikes again!

xXx

Jessie St. James couldn't believe that he actually got punished for egging Rachel. He had to take out the garbage at McKinley for a week and Shelby didn't even protest! He lowered the garbage bag into the dumpster, ignoring the blood stains, and trying not to think about those horror movies he used to watch. He looked a little bit closer and then gasped as someone actually lifted him up and threw him in.

"Loser!" He heard a guy say, catching a glimpse of his yellow and red letterman jacket as he closed the lid.

"You're the loser! I have a fourth consecutive-" He pushed on the lid and realized that it wouldn't open, "Oh my gosh, this can't be happening, "HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

xXx

Well that was a little angstier than I expected... Well, review or else I'll send the demon dumpster and the creepy old lady from across the street to stalk you forever! Also make sure to reproduce so that you can be well fed ;D 


End file.
